Boyfriend failed the test
you mean ex boyfriend
^^^
Fucking upall y’all childish af.. I’m not gonna force you to talk about shit if you don’t want to talk about it. don’t say “text me tomorrow” or “leave me alone” if you don’t really want me to do it cause I will leave your ass alone until you want to talk again. gtfoh with that elementary school shit
Please, PLEASE don’t ever do this to people. It’s no good for you, them or anyone. It’s not wrong because it’s “childish” it is wrong for the following and more:
- When someone accepts a ‘don’t talk to me right now’, they’re actually respecting your boundaries, yes, some of the people who indeed just say okay might ‘not actually care’ about you, but others are actually listening to you saying no, which is THE DECENT THING TO DO. As a test then, this fails entirely, because you can’t discern between the two groups
- Saying one thing expecting people to do the other is manipulative, is the basis of abusive behaviour and can even be ableist as it assumes the other person can pick up on very specific social cues when they might not… and even more, those social cues are TERRIBLY WRONG as explained in my next point
- You are reinforcing the idea that when people (especially girls) say no and set boundaries, they actually mean yes and are extending an invitation. Society as a whole teaches girls that they should play ‘hard to get’, they teach girls to say no when they mean yes, and they teach boys that girls say no when they mean yes - and although that’s not the only reason why girls’ boundaries are not respected, it is a big part of why when a girl says no, men assume they just have to insist. Obviously, this is not the whole extent of rape culture, this is not the cause of it, this is not going to directly cause anyone to become a rapist - but it’s a behaviour that it’s in line with the line of thought that girls’ boundaries should not be respected.
Please, if you care about someone, if you care about yourself, do not ever engage in this behaviour. It’s so so so harmful.
Please please read this, it’s so important. This is a mistake i’ve made with people i’ve dated and i’ve realized firsthand how harmful it is to the people we do this to. These people are trying to respect you, not push you off, and to purposely mislead them and treat them like you were testing them leaves people feeling like you’re constantly putting them on trial and leaves them scared that either decision they make will be the wrong one.
Many of us do this accidentally, from what i’ve seen, not necessarily aware that we’re doing is trapping people, and while it may not always be purposeful abuse it IS very detrimental on the person. Please be honest, don’t purposely put your partner through tests just trying to ensure they reach out after you’ve said “no”.