I’ve somehow found a will to live, to love myself, that does not depend on what I have, who I’m with, or what happens to me. It has been the only thing holding me together these last few weeks, even in moments I’d have usually fallen completely apart. I don’t know why suddenly I’m able to tell myself to keep going, to remind myself to treat myself well and make positive decisions, but I’m so relieved I finally can. I couldn’t wait for my life to be perfect or for reoccurring problems to resolve to decide I needed to live regardless, that I’d need to be okay and move on regardless, and I’m so grateful that I did. I am so grateful for the people, friends and strangers, who have helped me realize what I needed to to finally come to this point in my life. I want to live. I’m not just going to get by on ignoring my pain until the next hit, I want to actually live, I deserve to.
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